The show

Is it true?

It's all to real

These feelings you

Don't dare to feel

You're wilting like

A dying rose

Left out so long

You no longer know

Just how it feels

To be alive

They're turned their backs

But still you strive

To make them look;

To make them see

Everything that

You could be.

To them you're just

Another face

In this God

Forsaken place

Lost in the crowd

You melt away

Waiting for

Another day

The sun will shine

You life complete

For now you've finished

Such a feat

You're worthy of

Their perfect world

You've gotten what

You're fighting for

They know your name

They say hello

But they don't really

Know you, so

You're right back

To where you started

Sitting lost

And broken-hearted

You could do it

All over again

Just so that

You can pretend

That you're a part

Of that perfect world

That it's in your grasp

You've got a hold

But deep down, it's true

You'll always know

They don't really care for you

They only want to see the show.

So What?

So what

if he

shattered it into

a million tiny pieces?

So what

if he

walked away?

So what if he

just changed

his mind-

decided he

didn't really

love me

after all?

What does it matter

if I spent hours

alone in my room?

What does it matter

if I cried?

Who cares if inside

I was breaking,

but outside

I could never

show it?

So what?

It's just my heart ♥

The cliffs.

From up here I could see everything for miles. The vast ocean spread out like a blanket in front of me, and behind me the little tourist trap city stretched for a couple miles before fading into another highway to no where and everywhere. Twenty feet beneath me, angy waves crashed over the sharp, jagged rocks placed just below the cliff.

I swayed forward a little as the breeze picked up, but I caught my balance again and stepped back just a bit. I wasn't going over- not yet. I just needed a few moments to clear my head; to make sure this was what I really wanted. Oh, yes, I had taken hours back at home thinking it over. I had been nearly positive that it was what had to be done. But just to be sure... well, what could it hurt, now, the extra few minutes taken to re-examine my life.

The past few days... well, they had been a living hell. First Jane had finally succumbed in her battle against cancer, and then John had... had left me. Then Mom got laid off at work, and we barely had enough money. Well, fine, Mom, you can have your wish. One less mouth to feed. And John... well, what did he care if I was here or not? He was to busy sucking face with that little-

I took a deep breath. Jane would have been the only one to miss, me, so I didn't see how it mattered now. I was done here, and it was time to move on. I stepped forward and leaned out over the cliff, staring into the blue-green depths of the ocean. A single tear rolled down to the tip of my nose, then dropped down into the water. With one last big breath- I intended it to be my last- I followed it into what I hoped would give me some sort of peace.

What have they driven me to?

The sky was filled with gently floating, perfect white tufts of snow. Everything was white. The snow swirl around through currents in the air, to slight for me to feel, and that which didn’t finally settle gracefully in drifts and banks stuck to the trees, the bushes, and even me. There was a white layer covering me head to toe.
It was getting harder to make my way through the woods. Not only was the snow approaching knee-deep and therefore hard to walk through, but because of the thick white layer on everything, all my familiar landmarks were gone. It was as if the world was being erased.
Except not all of it.
There were still two small spots of color left in sight, and as much as I wished they would, they just weren’t disappearing. The snow may have been clinging to my hair, my shirt, my face… but each time a flake landed on my hands, it melted away, leaving the same red stains in evidence. The sharp contrast from the pure white of the snow distracted me easily, and I kept staring morbidly at them. Finally, not paying attention, I tripped over something and sprawled into the snow. Lacking the will to get up, I lay and stared up at the sky and the snow it dropped upon me.
What had they driven me to?

Teddies don't hug back.

<--- Just me and my teddy bear, Jet ^_^

As I lay in bed at night, the tempting presence of sweet dreams hovering just out of my reach, I cannot help but think of you.
I have become so used to this nightly routine of insomnia and fantasy- well, maybe it is wishing- that I can effortlessly conjure a perfect image of your face behind my closed eyelids. I can feel your hands at my hips, your fingers tracing along my spine, your lips pressed against mine. I can feel your arms around me, pulling me closer until I could just melt away and become a part of you.
Then some noise- the creak of a stair, the slam of a door, maybe the washer changing cycles- brings me back to reality, cuddling a teddy bear in my cold, dark bedroom.
“Teddies don’t hug back, but sometimes they’re all you’ve got.”
So I guess my stuffed friend will just have to keep me company until I am back in your arms.

Cocktail.

The harsh florescent lights shine, illuminating the image in the mirror. It’s unclear, distorted by my tears. The face it shows, so familiar, isn’t mine. Not anymore. The girl that once lived behind that face died, not such a long time ago- but long enough. The cold steel frame of the mirror pulls out underneath my shaking hand, revealing rows of bottles with various labels. Narcotics, pain relievers, cold and flu medicines… Grabbing a few bottles randomly, I walk out into the kitchen and pour their contents onto the table. How many will I need? How can I be sure I have enough? Oh, I’m so sick of this, I just want to get it over with. The cocktail spreads before me, and I have the pick of the lot. I’m not taking my chances. I’ve waited long enough. I scoop them all up and, one by one, pop them into my mouth, drowning them in water, and swallowing. I don’t know how long this will take. I hope there’s no pain. I walk to my bedroom, lay down on my bed and pull up the covers. “Goodnight,” I whisper, and I drift into my eternal slumber.